Enough

Today starts my second year of seminary, which will be my first full-time year. I find it kind of funny how one never seems to outgrow the first day of school butterflies…at least I know that’s true for me. Questions such as, “I wonder if I’ll know anyone in my classes” or “I wonder if I’ll like my teachers” or “will I be able to keep up as a full-time student, mom, homeschool parent, wife, writer…and all the other things that add up to may days, weeks, and months when I haven’t been in school?” seem to bombard my mind right now.

I find myself excited and nervous at the same time. The fear comes from my fear of not living up to what I feel I should be to those around me and questioning whether I can do it, whereas the excitement comes from this deep desire to be able to prove to myself that yes, I can do this because this is what I am called to do. It’s like fear and excitement are battling it out and I have to choose which voice I am going to listen to.

Am I going to let fear win and let it prove to me that I’m a failure and that I will never be smart enough, good enough, present enough, or…enough? Or am I going to allow excitement to wash over me and allow myself to rest in the goodness of knowing that when I am doing what I am called to do then there is a supernatural peace that surpasses all understanding and I can know without a shadow of a doubt that yes, I am and will always be smart enough, good enough, and…enough for what I feel I am called to do.

As for being present enough…that is a choice I will need to make each and every moment…and I’m beginning to believe that this being present begins with being present to myself. If I am not present to myself then I will be unable to be fully present to those around me.

4 Comments on “Enough

  1. You are so right Jennie. Only when you are present in the moment and the day will you see the mustard seed potential or magnificence of God’s gift to us with every sunrise and sunset. Enjoy this new semester in your life. Know that I hold you and your family in my prayers every day and love you all dearly. Lizzie

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  2. “Am I going to let fear win and let it prove to me that I’m a failure and that I will never be smart enough, good enough, present enough, or…enough? Or am I going to allow excitement to wash over me and allow myself to rest in the goodness of knowing that when I am doing what I am called to do..” I totally get this tension!!! I’m in seminary right now as well. Such an exciting time but it can be unknown too. Great reflection!

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